THE REBELLION
by mistressinwaiting
Summary: -In which, Kabuto-maru can't control his army… "No, my idiot son! We are not after you anymore! We are trying to matchmake your teammates together!" "On my god! Really? Can I help?" Sasuke and Sakura just can't seem to find help anywhere!
1. Zombies just don't listen

-In which, Kabuto-maru can't control his army… "Let's go kill ourselves a second time!" "YEAH!" "Kabuto, what's going on?" "I've got a better idea! Let's play matchmakers!" "YEAH!"

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**Yay! A new fanfic and my 10th oneshot! AWell, actually, I just took this out of one of my other fanfics since it was starting to jump around, so I hope you guys don't hate that. So . . . yeah, please enjoy!**

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THE REBELLION

"Okay, s_sss_o blah, blah, blah, you guys_sss_ are my army now, and I s_sss_ay you mus_sss_t lis_sss_ten to what I s_sss_ay!"

"Or _what_?" Zombie-Asuma asked.

"Or I'll make you do the chicken dance, and I promis_sss_e you, I _will_…"

Zombie-Haku raised his hand.

"Yes_sss_, boy who looks_sss_ like a girl?"

"Anoo… What happens if we can't _understand_ you?"

"Yeah," Zombie-Deidara seconded that motion. "I mean, your hissing does get kind of annoying, un."

Suddenly, the room was filled with "yeah, yeah" and "that's right."

And by this time, Kabuto-maru was getting fed up with this so-called wonderful army of his. "JUS_SSS_T DO AS_SSS_ I S_SSS_AY, AND ATTACK KONOHA!"

"_What_? _Konoha_?" Zombie-someone asked. "But they're the reason why most of us _are_ dead!"

"_Yeah_!"

"Well then, that's_sss_ more of a reas_sss_on to lis_sss_ten to me…" Kabuto reasoned. "I'll help you get your revenge."

"But that'll be a _waste_ of a second life!" Zombie-Zabuza argued.

"Well then, what would _you_ do?"

"I say, we all go and see who can die a second time _first_!" Zombie-Minato suggested.

"Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea!" Zombie-everyone agreed.

"_What_? You'd kill yours_sss_elves_sss_ in a s_sss_tupid competition ins_sss_tead of getting _revenge_?" Kabuto asked.

"Um, che-_yeah_!" Zombie-Sasori said. "Dying is an art to be appreciated!"

"Yeah, yeah!" And soon Zombie-everyone was walking to the door, thinking of ways of how to die first.

Kabuto mentally slapped himself. He'd rather _be_ dead than deal with these _un_dead idiots.

"Kabuto, what's with all the noise?"

"Oh, hey! It's that Uchiha brat, un!" Zombie-Deidara said.

"Hey, I got an even _better_ idea!" Zombie-Minato said. "Let's play matchmaker and match-make this revenge-_obsessed_ kid with some girl! Maybe then he wouldn't need therapy!"

"Yeah, that'll be _fun_, un!" Zombie-Deidara said.

"But who'll love someone like _him_?" Zombie-Zabuza said.

"I know! What about that pink-haired teammate of his?" Zombie-Haku said.

"Are you talking about Sakura?" Zombie-Asuma asked.

"Yeah, yeah, that's her!"

"Well, what are we all waiting for?" Zombie-Minato asked. "Let's do this thing!"

"Oh, shit…" Sasuke turned to Kabuto-maru. "Can't you _do_ something about them?"

"S_sss_orry, but they don't lis_sss_ten to me."

"Gee, I wonder why." _Freak… He just doesn't like me._

And then the chase started. Why? Well, Sasuke was still _kinda_ blindfolded and still _kinda _recovering from his eye transplant, and taking on a whole army wasn't going to help him get better anytime soon.

In a few minutes, however, the army had no idea where Sasuke had gone.

"Damn it! We lost him!" Zombie-Zabuza exclaimed.

"Un! Where's Zombie-Itachi when we _need_ him?" Zombie-Deidara asked.

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

"Come on, girl… My brother's not all _that_ bad…"

"Okay, first things first. My name's _Sakura_, not girl. Secondly, I'm over _here_. And thirdly, YOUR BROTHER _KILLED_ YOU, THREATENED TO DESTROY _ALL_ OF KONOHA, AND TRIED TO KILL _ME_!"

"Well, _Sakura_—"

"Over _here_!"

Itachi turned around. "Well, Sakura, maybe you've misunderstood—"

"How does someone _misunderstand_ another someone, whom she expressed her love to, _choking_ her to death?"

"Well . . . Sasuke . . . has . . . um, a bad temper!"

"Uh-huh, and you think I'm going to believe someone who talked to a _tree_?"

"Hey, I'm _blind_!"

"And who did that to you?"

Itachi opened his mouth but then quickly closed it. He crossed his arms and pouted. "Fine, I can see your point… Not literally, though."

"Took you long enough."

"Yeah, but it doesn't mean I'll give up the idea of having a pink-haired sister-in-law."

"What's with you Uchiha men and _ruining_ my _life_?"

✿°.·∴终わる∴·.°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

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**And that's it… It turned out worse than I thought…**


	2. You can't count on your friends

-In which, Kabuto-maru can't control his army… "No, my idiot son! We are not after you anymore! We are trying to matchmake your teammates together!" "On my god! Really? Can I help?" Sasuke and Sakura just can't seem to find help anywhere!

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**Surprise, surprise! I finally got a new chapter up for this one! Bet you guys weren't expecting this, huh? Well, I looked through my reviews for this story, and _all nine_ of them wanted this fanfic to be continued, and so here's another chapter! Just think of this as my early Christmas present to all of my devoted readers! I hope you guys enjoy this one as much as you enjoyed the first!**

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❤❀~REBELLION~❀❤

Sakura had deemed this the _worst_ day of her life. Why was it the worst day of her life and why wasn't the worst day of her life when Sasuke tried to kill her, you ask? Well, it wasn't because zombies were interfering with her love life. And it wasn't because she was now stuck with her ex-teammate who had tried to kill her _twice_ before. Why, no. It wasn't because of _those_ reasons. No. It was because…

"You damn Uchiha! Take off your damn bandages!"

Yep. It was because today was the day that the ice-cube decided that he'd have the eye surgery, and so she was forced to take care of him as well while trying to watch out for that crazy army of zombie matchmakers.

"Tch, don't yell at me like it's _my_ fault, woman! I don't _choose_ the rate at which my eyes heal! And if I had _known_ an army of zombies would pair us up together, I'd _never _would have decided to have the surgery today!"

Now how did these two ex-teammates-now-enemies meet up while on the run from zombies? Well… Let's just say that when Sasuke was running away—yes, the mighty Uchiha had actually run away from someone, and he did it while blind—from the zombies, he . . . well, kind of ran _over_ his poor blind zombie of a brother. He apologized, of course, and he also apologized for killing his brother, but then his brother thought he'd take a page out of his younger brother's book and decided on revenge. _Yep._ Uchiha Itachi had decided to signal for the whole army of matchmaking zombies, and so now… Yeah… The two "_lovebirds_" were stuck together, running away—or as the zombies called it, "_eloping from_"—their common enemies.

"Well, at least, I _have_ friends who will help me! Naruto's _bound_ to be here any minute now to help me out of this—"

"I think I heard them over here!"

"Oh shit." Both Sakura and Sasuke hid in trees. (Well, actually, _Sakura_ hid while she dragged Sasuke into her hiding place but not before "accidently" whacking him in the head.)

Zombie Minato and Zombie Jiraiya were now in the field bellowing scanning for the two.

"Are you _sure_ you heard them, Minato?"

"Yes. Just because I'm a zombie and half-dead doesn't mean I lost my touch."

"_Sheesh_, no need to be so touchy. You—"

"SAKURA-CHAN! I'M COMING TO SAVE YOU!"

The two hiding ninja let out sighs of relief. Naruto would _definitely_ be able to save them… Or at least, distract the two zombies while they escaped. It didn't really matter as long as they could get away.

"_See_?" Sakura whispered boastingly to Sasuke. "What did I tell you?_ I_ have people whom I can _count on_! Do _you,_ Uchiha?"

Back down below…

"Forgive me, Father and Ero-sennin! But I have to kill you two . . . _err_, again to save my teammate and ex-teammate, though I do want to punch my ex-teammate in the face but that can wait! I must save them first because you are only going to use them to get to me and the Kyuubi! I will never let that happen! Do you _hear_ me? I—"

Sakura and Sasuke sweatdropped at Naruto's long stupid speech. Didn't he realize that he could have left a _wide_ door for people to attack him?

"No, my idiot son!" Zombie Minato cried. "We are not after _you_ anymore!"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Yeah, _right_! I'm sorry, Zombie Dad! But I just can't believe it!"

"Well, _believe it_! Because we are trying to match-make your teammates together!" Zombie Jiraiya explained.

Now was the idiot's chance! Sakura and Sasuke both waited for Naruto to do something but…

"On my god! _Really_? Can _I_ help?"

Naruto turned out to be a traitor. A horrid, back-stabbing _traitor_! How dare he side with zombies on this!

"You were _saying_, Sakura?" Sasuke asked. "About people who want to _help_ you?"

Sakura laughed nervously. "Eh… Maybe he's diverting their attention?"

. . .

. . .

"It's _Naruto_ we're talking about. He's not that smart!"

"Yeah, I know. We're screwed."

"Hey, I know!" they heard Naruto say to the zombies. "I can get all the other shinobi to help us too! They've all got some money on those two getting together! It'll be perfect! Those two will have nowhere to run, and then we'll _finally_ see some romance for once!"

"That's a great idea, my son!" Zombie Minato praised his son's idea. Hey, it wasn't _all the time_ when Naruto came up with a _good_ plan.

"I think we should go to the Kages now. They'd know what to do," Sakura suggested. "And they'd get the shinobi back to business. They're our only hope now."

"_Tch_, as if I'd go to five powerful shinobi who want to _kill_ me…" Sasuke retorted.

"Well, which one would you rather have? Us being match-made _by_ an army of dead people or _being_ dead?"

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

"You _do_ know the Kages would probably be on the zombies' side on this, right?"

"*_sniffles_* Sh . . . shut up! Just *_sniffles_* shut _up_!"

"Are you . . . are you _crying_, Sakura?" Sasuke was appalled. Though he could not see the tears flowing down Sakura's face, he could not _deal_ with a crying Sakura, no matter what.

"Yes, *_sniffles_* alright? I'm just so upset because *_sniffles_* I have to be stuck with _you_ either way! *_sniffles_* I have no way _out_ of this! Why do you Uchiha men always try and _ruin_ my _life_?"

✿°.·∴终わる∴·.°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

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**And done! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! But I didn't really like it… It's worst than the first…**

**If you have time, please read _It's funny when..._ I promise, if you guys liked this fanfic, you'll love that one!**

**I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving!**


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